What is a proper show of condolence for a mother who lost her baby?

I work for an OB/GYN and one of my patients gave birth only a few months ago, but recently lost her baby due to complications of an illness. She and her husband are wonderful people and it shouldn't be a thing anyone has to go through. It has especially been getting to me since I heard the news this afternoon. She's coming back for an appointment soon, and I don't know what to do. I just lost my mom a few months back and although I cried everytime the phone rang from a relative or friend calling or opening a sympathy card, it really did help. I was thinking of getting her just some potting flowers or something as a small gesture of my condolence, but I'm not sure if it would be proper, or if I should do anything at all. Just trying to get some ideas.


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What is a proper show of condolence for a mother who lost her baby?
The best thing you can do is be kind to her. Getting her a gift might make her think the whole office is talking about her. That would be the first thing that would come to my mind if someone from my OB office gave me a gift like that. I would think if you were close to this person it would be okay. Otherwise it's best not to approach her about this subject as it is very sensitive. If she brings it up with you personally then you can talk with her about it. Otherwise no gifts.
Reply:Acknowledge her loss, even if u cry thats ok, its is SAD! I work as a midwife, when a baby dies I often cry too (and when I see them later down the street sometimes too) it shows u r human and that u feel for them in a real way. A littel gift or card is ok but ur thoughts and acceptance of them would mean more. Ur patients r lucky to have u!
Reply:the best thing you can do for them is to give them a child.... which you can't really do ... if you work in a hospital.. you must be also in touch with persons who wanna go for an abortion... then am sure that you can do something for them to become parents...... i know it's a hard job but if you are a nice person am sure that you will surely try your best in solving the problem
Reply:Flowers, a card, a hug, anything. that would really mean a lot to the family. just show that you care, that you are doing more than just doing your job, that you actually care for the patients.
Reply:I lost my son last year. I get it. You have the right idea. Also make a donation to the hospital in the babies honor. or get and in memory ornament. Make her a bracelet and put always ________'s Mom. She will know you care.
Reply:if she was a friend I would say a rose bush. But if she is a patient it may not be appropriate
Reply:We all get that overwhelming urge to try to think of something to do or say in situations like that; and there isn't much anyone can really do or say.





I think a nice, tasteful, simple, card (maybe with a little simple prayer if you think she's the type) or a "thinking of you" card with something like, "If there's anything at all I can do", may be all you can do.





I think any gesture is proper for the most part. She'll know what you're trying to tell her.
Reply:I can tell that you genuinely care for this woman, but the most I would do is offer her verbal condolences. It sounds like you have a professional/patient relationship with her. You have a legal and moral obligation to protect her confidentiality. It seems crazy, but with all the HIPPA laws, I'd hate for someone to misconstrue your well intentioned gift or card. Talk it over with the OB before you do anything. She may value her confidentiality at the doc's office and not having to discuss her grief as she does with famiy and friends.
Reply:When you see her, look her in the eye and say kindly "I'm so sorry for your loss." That's what a mother most needs to hear at such a time. I know because I suffered a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. Then I went on to have 3 healthy pregnancies. But it hurt me most when people wanted to gloss over my loss and my pain. Its kindest to acknowledge the loss directly and express your sorrow over it directly to her.





Give her a beautiful card with an offer to help out in any way necessary. You can pass it around to the other employees in the Dr.'s office and have everyone sign it. You could take up a collection of $5 per person and buy her and her husband an engraved picture frame with her child's name on it. It will be a keepsake of her few precious memories of her child. She can place a picture she took of her baby before he/she passed away in the frame. Most mothers need to feel the child they lost is remembered.





The idea of the flowers is lovely. I'm sure that would mean a great deal to her. You can also find books about grief and recovering from the loss of a child through Amazon, you may want to buy her one.





You and your coworkers could attend the funeral and there pass around a sign up sheet for the other ladies to offer to bring her dinner every night for two weeks after the funeral in order to comfort her and allow her and her husband to grieve without worrying over cooking and cleanup at dinner time. They might not eat properly if no one sees to that so that is the most important advice, give them the gift of prepared meals. This is going to be such a heartbreakingly difficult time for this poor Mommy.
Reply:Personally, I would just let it be and not say anything. This happened to my friend last month and from the things I have learned is that the parents are so overwhelmed with condolences that they get rather fed up with them and just want to move on and come to peace with it, without everyone trying to feel for them all the time. I never said anything and just told her that if she ever needed to talk then I was there, and if she wanted to hang out I was here and it was going to be up to her if we talked about it at all. So, I always wait for her to bring it up. If she comes in and brings it up, then say something nice but I wouldn't do anything else. I know that it hurts, and I am so sorry you are going through this, I know the pain, but we have to let these mothers be strong. The fact that we need to give, in order to feel comfortable with this, isn't always the answer. Godbless you.
Reply:i honestly have no idea what would be the best thing for them. i don't know that anyone would since everyone heals differently, but i do have one thought. perhaps she may need people to treat her normally, as if nothing has changed between you. while she may be trying to get her mind off of it, others are probably constantly reminding her. but i certainly don't want to suggest something that would come off as offensive. my heart goes out to this family, and i hope that someone will be able to offer some more useful advice.
Reply:I think that the best thing you can do is ask her if she's doing alright, if there's anything that you could help with or anything that she needs. Offer your friendship. Give her your phone number and tell her she can call anytime if she needs someone to talk to.





If you want to buy her something maybe a necklace. There's this great one "Mother Embrace" You can get her it with her child's birthstone in it. http://www.limogesjewelry.com/custom.asp...