Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Is it proper etiquette to send people thank you cards after they send you a sympathy card?

My Dad just passed away at the beginning of September unexpectantly and I was wondering if it is proper etiquette to send the people that just sent a sympathy card with no money, flowers or visit a thank you card afterwards? Or do you just send a card to those that may have sent money, flowers, provided food, or came to the Memorial Service(don't know all the addresses of the people that attended.) Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

Is it proper etiquette to send people thank you cards after they send you a sympathy card?
I am sorry to hear of your loss. It would be appropriate to send thank you notes to everyone that sent cards, money, flowers, food etc. if you have their addresses. However, you can also place an expression of thanks in your local paper. God Bless You!
Reply:I am so sorry about your father! Of course you can send out Thank You cards. Any time you are thankful for any thing for any occasion it would be appropriate to send them out. I was taught to always send them for everything. As for the addresses ,you will probably run into a problem ,unless you can connect them to people you know how to contact to retrieve their address. Good luck and again I am sorry for your loss.
Reply:I think not.
Reply:No thank you is required unless there was a monetary gift, food gift or service gift. If you would so be inclined you can put a general note in the newspaper for a thank you for all the prayers and thoughts. The newspaper would help you with this. However, this is only if you desire. Depends on how big of an area you live in,etc.
Reply:When people have sent a note or letter of sympathy, visited the funeral home, attended the funeral or memorial services, sent a gift, or otherwise made a formal gesture of sympathy it is gracious to acknowledge that gesture with a short note. It is not necessary for you to personally write all those notes. Now is the time to call on all those people who have been asking what they can do to help. Set them to work writing these letters on your behalf, like


Dear Mr. %26amp; Mrs. Smith,


Elena and the rest of the family asked me to tell you how much they appreciate the lovely flowers. Your sympathy means a great deal to them at this difficult time.


Yours truly,


Christina Martinez


(These helpful people can also do the research of finding addresses. If no address can be found and all that's available is a phone number, have someone make the phone call on your behalf. You are not expected to handle such a painful duty personally.)
Reply:Yes, it is a courteous thing to do.
Reply:A lot of folks put a small add in the paper thanking everyone that sent sympathies , flower's , food , and money. At the time of the bereavement. You have a lot on your mind, and I doubt that people will be expecting a personal thank you.
Reply:i don't think you should send a thank you card to thank people for a sympathy card. just accept the sympathy. i think if you should send a thank you card in response to a sympathy card, then they should send a thank you card for the thank you card. in other words, it's not necessary
Reply:Yes....they have taken the time to reach out to you in your time of mourning, so the very least you can do is acknowledge their concern for you and yours in your time of loss
Reply:You definitely send a thank you card to everyone who helped you, gave a gift of money or flowers but not to those who only sent a card or attended the Memorial service.





(did you get a sign-in book from the funeral home? Most directors will place one in the room for mourners to sign and leave their addresses for the family).





If there were only a very few people who came to the service and you know them, it's a mark of good breeding to thank them with a card, regardless, and wouldn't require a great effort to do so.





Please accept my condolences on the death of your father.
Reply:It is proper...usually the funeral home provides small cards for you to address. Do the best you can finding the addresses you need. Sorry about your loss...it's a hard thing to go through.
Reply:Always. You should thank people for their thoughtfulness. A delay of up to 30 days is understandable when you have lost someone. You don't have to get these out right after the funeral.
Reply:It is NOT improper, but neither is it necessary. Card senders want to let you know they are thinking of you, and they do not expect any response. I should think that most of them would feel bad that their sympathy card generated more of a load for you during your time of grief. I would reserve my written cards of thanks for those who sent food, flowers, and memorial gifts. Those things need to be acknowledged.


1 comment:

  1. Hello Beatrice,
    What do you think of food as a sympathy gift? Have you seen the new website? www.sympathyfood.com Let me know what you think.
    David Storke

    ReplyDelete