Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Should I send money with a sympathy card? What should I say in the card?

A family friend in another state just died after a long illness. The family is very poor %26amp; the widow has major health problems of her own. I would like to send money instead of flowers, but I'm not sure if it is appropriate.

Should I send money with a sympathy card? What should I say in the card?
Do it, and say "I am so sorry for your loss, unfortunatly I can't be there for the service but I am sending something that will hopefully help you out with the expenses."

Trust me it will be appreciated, some family and friends sent money to my family when my dad died and often it came in just when my mom was majorly stressing about a bill being due.
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Reply:you do what you feel like from your heart, we have a tradition here in scotland of collecting money for friends or colleges that have be left alone by death, it sounds a nice thing to do and i am sure it will be appreciated by the recipient..

Reply:I believe in this scenario, I think that it is appropiate to send some money to help with the funeral arrangements%26gt; i think the card should explain you intention, and try not come off an insulting
Reply:Absolutely send money! Tell her how sorry you are for her loss and you don't know what else to do but hope that the money can help with some of her needs. Bless you.
Reply:I like the idea of the restraunt gift card. If you really want to send money, do so, but be clear about your intentions so that you are not seen as the snobby benevolent friend who just throws money at people to make themselves feel better.
Reply:Send them a gift card for a great place to dine. You are supposed to send food anyways. This way it lets them choose what they like and they get their food. Plus it is hard to send food from a different state.
Reply:I know my parents send money. (they have it - I don't) Helps defray costs.

Sorry to hear about your friend.

Maybe in the card put down your favorite memory of your friend - how much that friend meant to you.
Reply:Yes, send a card by all means. You can include a check with the amount you feel is appropriate. In the card you can write the obligatory statements "I am sorry for your loss..." you can also add that you are including this check. Use it however you want.

If she wants to buy a headstone with it, she can. She can use it offset funeral expenses, etc.
Reply:Yes it would be appropriate to send money if you wish. Whatever sentiments you put in the card should reflect your personal feelings. The money should be covered separately so as not to cause offence if guests at the funeral read the cards.

I would say something along the lines.

I am so sorry to hear about your tragic loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time. May God bless and comfort you and your family.

I would then enclose a little note with the payment, presumably a cheque, saying.

I'm sorry that I couldn't be there or send flowers. Please accept this donation to use however you wish instead.
Reply:Yes sending money is appropriate along with sympathy.
Reply:Say Im so sorry and maybe this will help you with expenses...
Reply:Yes it is appropriate to send money. The norm is that if the family does not need the money, they will donate it to the deceased favorite charity. If they need it however, they can (and should) use it. What to say? Express your sympathy and pray a blessing for them.
Reply:It is more helpful to the family then flowers, you could call the Mortuary handling the service and ask them if there is a Memorial Fund, if you are uncomfortable sending it in the card. If not it is okay to send in the card, they won't be offended they will understand your wish to help them in their time of loss.
Reply:It is perfectly acceptable to send money in a sympathy card. Say that you wish you were there to help but since you can't be you hope that this (the money) will help.

My mother had quite a bit of money when she died (not rich, but not hurting) and many people from out of state send cash or a checks in cards. Our family did not consider it insulting. Some didn't hear of her death until after the funeral (her old friends from when she was young) and so couldn't send flowers.
Reply:It is appropriate to send money to the family, along with your sympathies....you'd be astounded at the cost of a burial, and I'm sure the money would be VERY much appreciated!!!

If you're not comfortable putting either cash or a check in an envelope, you may send a gift certificate to a grocery store or restaurant and make a note saying you would have loved to have cooked dinner to send over, but you live to far away, etc....
Reply:Well, there are traditions of people bringing food to family after a death, or helping out in other ways. I think sending money in a card would be the same thing.
Reply:It is absolutely appropriate and very kind. Family expenses can really build and stress is high for them right now. Add a note saying you hope this will help with some expenses or it can be donated to the charity of their choice.

When I had a family member pass away, every little bit helped and was really appreciated.
Reply:You could send it in form of a gift card. To a local grocery store or somewhere they can buy food or things they need and in the card just let them know you wanted to help ease the burdens they may have during their difficult time..

Good luck.

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