Angry at my co-workers for not sending me a card!!!?

Last month, I gave birth to and lost a baby at only 21 weeks. I am still heartbroken about it. I held and named the baby and we had her cremated. We had an obituary in the paper. We received sympathy cards and donations in our babies name from all our friends and family and from the co-workers at my old job and from our neighbours, but I have received NOTHING from my present job, even though they all know what happenned. It's like they don't care, and I have to go back there to work with them. It's the worst thing that's ever happenned to me, and I feel selfish and greedy to say this but I'm angry that they didn't send me a sympathy card, or send flowers or something to acknowledge my loss. If you were me, would you say something? If so, how would you word it so as not to sound rude? I do want them to know that it hurt me, but I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, since I have to work with them all. (I'm going back to work soon)

Angry at my co-workers for not sending me a card!!!?
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. I too have lost babies around 20 weeks and it is devastating.





I have read your question and it occurs to me that your work mates probably don't know what to say to you, so they are saying nothing. If you go back to work and nobody has said anything by then, they won't know what to say to you when you start work again.





People seem to know what to say when some-one's Grandparent dies, or their husband or wife, but when someone gives birth to, and loses a baby in the middle of pregnancy, they don't seem to know what to say or do about it. My guess is that they think that they might upset you if they mention it or talk about it.





Do you have one friend at work that you could talk to who could speak to the others for you? Maybe she could tell every body that you would welcome an opportunity to talk about your loss and that of course there will be tears, but that is your heart's way of healing itself and they should tell you that they are sorry anyway.





I would not do anything that would alienate the people at work, but you could send a card to the people at work telling them what has happened and that may open the door for them to sympathize with you about it.





Something like this -





To all my work mates (or friends / colleagues)


I just wanted to let you all know that I recently lost the (daughter / son) I was expecting, whom we named ___________ . This has been so very difficult for me (or us), but we wanted to let you know that I (or we) thank you for your sympathy and understanding.


Although the next few months will undoubtedly be difficult ones for me (or us) I hope you understand that I need the comfort and understanding of those I work with. I hope you will allow me to talk about my loss as I know that talking about the death of my baby is part of the healing process.


Meanwhile, thank you for your thoughts and prayers,


from (your name)





Good Luck %26amp; God Bless!
Reply:sorry for your loss.


yes it is rude, something is right with them. dont say anything, let it go they are not worth getting angry for. focus on healing.
Reply:I am very sorry for your loss - but you can't force someone or be upset with people for not showing their sympathy. And you never know - maybe when you get back to work they'll have something there for you. :)
Reply:First, my condolences for your loss.





How long have you been at your new job? Perhaps the people there do not feel they know you well enough, and did not want to intrude. For the most part, I think people mean well, even if they do not know how to show it.





Do not be angry or upset, it will not help the situation, and you will feel the worse for it.





Best wishes.
Reply:Throughout life you will find, that every single person handles death in their own way, it is not a comfortable situation, nor one that you can predict or expect to know how people will react.





I had a fight with my wife one day, a knock down drag out yelling match, where it ended up me saying "If we didn't have all these kids, we would be better off" Then right after brawl I went to play softball one of the guys on my team had been trying to get pregnant with his wife, they lost the baby after 5 months or something. I was upset, I kept it together during game, but when I got in my car to drive home, I lost it. I cried so hard, sobbing hysterically I felt so bad for that couple unable to have baby, and here I was despising what I had.


You need to know that others care, maybe not the others you are working with now, but somewhere somebody does.


That couple wound up having another child, and that kid is probably on yahoo answers answering some question.


Good luck and Happy Mothers day in advance.
Reply:You have my deepest sympathy sweetie. But don't be bitter over this. You had alot of support from your previous job and from family and friends. I am sure they will show their sympathy for your loss once you get back to work. Maybe they didn't think you needed anyone else intruding on your time. Don't judge them before you know what happened. In the whole scheme of life and things, it really isn't that big a deal, especially since you hadn't worked there that long, I am assuming.
Reply:people dont know how to deal with loss.i had a miscarriage many years ago.only my close friends and family mentioned it.other people avoided me for a while.or just pretended like itnothing happend.i look back now and realize its not out of meaness that people do that.if they know u well , like the people at ur old job.they feel they can approach you.others hope if they pretend it hasnt happend .they can avoid an uncomfortable situation.dont let anger take over.grieve for your loss with your own people.and dont wory about outsiders.