A friend of mine just died and I want to know if I should send a card to his wife and one to his parents?

and one to each of his children who are out of the house and one to each brother and sisters he had? Seems like alot of sympathy cards but Im stuck and dont know what to do. Also instead of flowers are people putting money in cards now?

A friend of mine just died and I want to know if I should send a card to his wife and one to his parents?
If all of these are people that you are close to, or that you feel you could be a comfort to during this time of intense emotional turmoil, absolutely - sit down and think about what your friend meant to each one of them and write to them personally.





It can be really hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving, and even harder to know how to cope with your own grief. So, I put a link to a beautiful booklet (available free in electronic or paper form) that helped me an incredible amount in facing my grandpa's death. It is called: "When Someone You Love Dies." It has a wonderful section on 'what to say' and 'what not to say' to people who are grieving. It also helps people to understand the grieving process, to cope, and to live with hope. The first link is to a URL where you can read it online. The second is to a form you can fill out if you want a hard copy. It might even be a good idea to get several and include them with the sympathy cards. It might help them to get through this hard time. Totally up to your discretion, though.





As far as the money thing . . . that totally depends on your relationship with the family. If you know the family is having a hard time financially, and the costs of the funeral, or the loss of your friend's income are really breaking them, it might be nice to give his wife some money to help out. If it were me, I probably would give it to her separately from the sympathy card, though. Don't ask if she needs it - that would get really awkward - but if you know she does, just slip an envelope into her hand maybe saying something like: "I know things are hard right now. Let me help."





I'm truly sorry for your loss, and I hope this makes things just a little easier. Don't be afraid to hurt. But I wish you much comfort to get through this.





~Jessica
Reply:a heartfelt note to the widow, but addressed to children as well. another, of course to the parents - extending to siblings as well. i wouldn't suggest money (unless, it's for funeral expenses etc) condolence is worth more. just be there when they call..even more when they don't.





sorry, to hear of your loss.
Reply:I think it would be appropriate to write a card to his wife and to his parents. If the 2 of you were like best friends and you knew all the family, then yes, I'd probably include a card to his grown kids. I think that would be appropriate and much appreciated. Don't put money in a sympathy card....instead of flowers you can make a donation to his church or to a favorite charity but don't put money in the card, instead just write a note that you have made a donation in his name to such and such charity or to the church. Don't get too bogged down with writing cards to every member of the family, I think the wife, parents and children are enough.
Reply:Sending a condolence card is a beautiful way of showing your concern, send it to his wife but acknowledge the whole family.


If money is given, then i'd assume it's to help cover costs of the funeral. It is sad that funerals are quite expensive these days.
Reply:send a card but no money unless they are poor.
Reply:I would take a hot dish to his family that are in town for the funeral. There are times that a number of them are unable to even cook at these times. I would NEVER send money to a family. I have no idea why anyone would do so. These are sad times. The flowers were a sign of respect for the one who died. Send cards to those you knew, not to those that you didn't. If you are able to attend the viewing or funeral the relatives might appreciate seeing you then. I hope that all goes well. Read, study, and pray for the family. They may need it.


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Reply:I would send one card to the widow,and one to the parents and the family,I have never heard of sending money.
Reply:Totally go all out on the cards, but no on the money. Money is def not necessary on sympathy cards for someone's death. Money in cards are for like "celebrating".
Reply:Alot of people donate to a charity in the decease's name. You could do that, and say that cards are to be sent to his family, at his wife's address.I, personally, would be insulted if you sent me money, at a time like this.
Reply:yes
Reply:Yes, I would send cards - but only to those that know who you are. You don't need to send money, the sentiment is what is most important.


Also, VERY important: Stay in touch; don't stop seeing them because this has happened.
Reply:depending on how close you were to the brothers and sisters i would only send a card to the wife and the parents, and don't put money in the card, not for sympthy, flowers are always good.





sorry for your loss and good luck
Reply:Cards are a nice gesture, but if you don't know the whole family intimately it will be awkward and rude to send a card to everyone. A note to the parent and spouse should be sufficient and definitely no money in the cards.





If you want to make a donation find out where he's being interned and donate anonymously otherwise you'll come across as an insensitive boob.
Reply:Sending cards is a noble and honorable thing to do. In times of grief, people can use any amount of kindness. Your card or cards will be appreciated. Send one to the parents and send one to the wife for the friend's whole family.





Flowers at funerals are a nice gesture. However, they are way too expensive. A beautiful arrangement sits for two or three days then gets dumped in a pile in a cemetery. Not a good use of money. Money in cards is a gesture to help with funeral expenses. It costs money to die...maybe as much as $6,000. It can be cheaper to give a gift of money than to buy flowers.
Reply:Cards are impersonal. They don't convey what you feel and your want to conjole. A nice hand written note to both would be better. As far as sending money, I would just add something to his wifes note stating that you understand the hardship of the loss and expenses that they should feel free to without any hesitationto let you know. Then if you know anyone close to them inquire later if there is send a little something at a later date.
Reply:yes send the cards and the money is to help the family for the cost of the burial/funeral. So yes I would send money but only to the wife.
Reply:If you are a good friend you will send a card to everyone. The money in cards is to help the family with final expenses. Anyone with taste sends flowers, cards and money.
Reply:You should send a condolence card to the widow and if you knew the deceased's parents if you knew them. Each card should be addressed to include the recipient and family.





Many people are sending money instead of flowers so that the family will have money to offset the cost of the funeral and the associated expenses. Funerals are very expensive and the cost must be paid up front.
Reply:I think it would be a good idea to send them a card. It shows that you care.
Reply:one reason why people send money when a member of the family dies, is to help with the finances. Immediate family members are usually so preoccupied with the death and the preparations, they cant work.


YES SEND AS MANY CARDS AS YOU CAN


Money optional
Reply:i would send one to all the family members. it is a lot of cards, but that way everyone knows you were thinking of them. also, the money usually is used for expenses for the funeral, or bills that were left by the deceased. or some familys will donate to a cause to prevent the disease *if there was one* that took the person...i.e. cancer, aids..etc.
Reply:You should send one card to his wife and children, and one card to his parents and siblings. If you are very close to the children or siblings, then individual cards would be appreciated. No one will feel slighted because they didn't receive their own card. Your presence at the funeral and verbal condolences will mean the most.





Unless you were very close friends, you should not feel obligated to give money. If you would like to help with funeral expenses, offer your donation to the wife or parents, but don't include it with the card. You could also do it anonymously by paying directly to the funeral home.
Reply:I you were close I would

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