Tragic death of neighbors' grown son has us wondering...?

how to comfort the grieving parents. The son lived with them; he was in his thirties, a divorced father of two boys and worked with his dad. He was killed yesterday in a motorcycle accident. Since then, there has been a constant stream of close friends and relatives going into and out of the house, day and night.





My husband and I aren't close, personal friends of the parents and hardly knew their son at all, but our relationship with the parents is quite friendly as we have enjoyed many conversations on our front lawns. We'll send a sympathy card and flowers, and we plan to attend the funeral. After the crowd at their house dissipates, we'll deliver a dinner or two to the parents and offer our condolences.





How else can we comfort them? Will they want to talk about their son's accident or his life in general or would that be too painful? Will their routine of doing housework and yard work provide them with a needed distraction, or would us doing it for them be a blessing?

Tragic death of neighbors' grown son has us wondering...?
It's hard to know exactly what they will want or need . . . just take your cues from them, make the offers and be there when they need you. I think that the worst thing you can do is nothing. So please do make the effort and let them know you are thinking of them and be there to listen if they need to talk.
Reply:I think your plan is just fine. Don't feel guilty over what you didn't say or do for them in the past. Your kind gesture will be appreciated.
Reply:i lost a good friend the day after my birthday. It was extremely hard at first to even bring myself to think about it, muchless talk about it. Just let them know, that you are there for them if they need ANYTHING at all. And be there for them when they are ready to talk about it. It'll be 2 years in march since I lost my friend, and it's still hard, but my friends made it easier for me to grieve by just being there. Sometimes thats all you can do.
Reply:It's very nice to know that there are still people like you in the world. You sound very compassionate and thoughtful. I think that the plan that you have to wait until the crowds coming over dissipates to deliver your meals to them would be ideal. As far as the household chores... I don't know. Everyone reacts differently. Some would let the garbage pile up and avoid the routine for a while and others would use it as a welcome and therapeutic distraction. Maybe you could just see how things are going and if it appears that they could use the lawn mowed... go ahead and do it for them if they aren't home.





And as far as the conversation goes. There really isn't anything that can be said by you to make them feel better. But offering an ear if they seem to need one would be wonderful. I would let them bring up and heavy topics if they feel the need.





God Bless.
Reply:Talk about their son. It is ok to talk about his death, his life, and anything else having to do with him. It is more painful for a grieving family to have people around them pretending that the accident never happend or not bringing up their child because they want to know that their child made an impact on the world. I think the idea of you bringing a meal or two over is lovely, and if they offer to have you come in for a chat you should not hesitate to ask how they're holding up and see where they take the conversation from there. If you're not comfortable bringing up the accident, chances are they will and then you can ask questions as they talk. It's an awkward thing to talk about, no doubt. When my friend was killed ten years ago I had no idea what to say to his mom, but eventually I made the phone call and asked how she was doing and she opened up and shared details about the accident and we have been friends ever since. She has told me more than once that she would rather have people talk about her son than pretend he never exsisted. I hope this helps...my heart goes out to that family.
Reply:I am sorry to hear about this. I would just go ahead and send the dinner over and let them know that if they need anything..even if it's taking care of something for the funeral or running an errand that you are there to help in any way. Gad Bless.
Reply:It is always nice to offer to do some work for some one when they have lost some one very near and dear to them but dont get to upset if they refuse your offer
Reply:Don't push them to talk about it. Let them know that you're there for them and let THEM determine when and if they want to talk about it.
Reply:You and your husband are decent and wonderful people. God sees your heart and for that you will be blessed! You can never take away the pain when death is in the family. You can however ease it!