I was notified on Saturday that my friend's son died. I'm not experienced in this feild and need advice.

AT this point I don't know what happened? I just know there is a service on friday. Is it proper to send a sympathy card now? or to hand deliver it? Flowers now? or later? please give your imput.... Please no stupid answers... not in the mood....Thanks ZO

I was notified on Saturday that my friend's son died. I'm not experienced in this feild and need advice.
Send the card now or in a few days. Send flowers or a plant if you so wish. Don't just offer food or help....DO SOMETHING. Take a casserole over. Mow their lawn. People often offer help, but most people won't/can't say what they need help with. Don't ask. Just do something for them. Mostly, be there to listen and hug. So sorry for your friend.
Reply:Bring over a casserole. The family will not be in the mood to cook, nor will they have as much time.





Either donate money to a charity they like or send flowers.





Attend the service if you can. If you can't make the funeral, at least attend the wake the night before. Be sure and dress appropriately. A dark suit, polished shoes, shirt and tie. Don't wear anything loud. If you must bring your cell phone, be sure you have the ringer off and certainly don't accept a call or get in a conversation on the phone in front of the family. When you enter the place where the services will be held go to each of the family members and either hug them or shake their hand and let them know how much the departed member of their family meant to you.





Just listen to your friend. You can't know what they are going through so don't say you do.
Reply:first, go to your friend and just be there,[just to listen, or whatever else you can do] ask how it happened ,how ever they may not be ready to talk about it yet ,don't push. express condolences. the only thing to say is " i'm sorry" . do NOT say you understand, you are not them ,so you don't.
Reply:You will probably want to find the obituary in the local paper. This will give you an idea of what the family wants as far as flowers etc. Many families ask "in lue of flowers please send donation to" this is perfectly appropriate. If you still feel the need to send flowers, then do so, you are also grieving. Sending a card now is proper. Remember that the family will be overwhelmed at this time, so anything you can help with will be greatly appreciated.
Reply:If you are going to the service, you can leave a card when you sign the guest book. Actually, these days, there is no need to send flowers - you may give to a charity they may have mentioned in the obit, or ask a family member. Let your friend know that you're sorry, and don't worry about saying the wrong thing, or be unsure of what to say. What a tuff situation!
Reply:You can send them a sympathy card now,and if you want, you can send them flowers to the funeral home, when you find out when the funeral will be. Just be there for your friend. They are going through a very tough time in their lives, and your being there for them means more than you will every know.





Father,


I lift up this Father to you who lost his son, and I am also lifting up this friend of his to you as well. Give them both the strength they will need to get through this time in their life. A strength that can only come from you. Cover this family in your love and mercy as they lay this young man to rest. I ask that this experience draw them all closer to you. In the precious name of Jesus, amen
Reply:Flowers, now and to the Funeral Home, they will they take them with him to his service.





If there is a Memorial service, please attend and "bring something to eath (even if you have to buy and repackage it as your own) to the Wake or After "get together" if there is one.





What "happened" IS NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL. He died, THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT, AND the funeral is FOR THE LIVING, his PARENTS. So,





1) Flowers sent to the Funeral Parlor (parents will be notified who sent them and that they are there.


2) If there is a wake, a nice "dish" to take to it, unless it is provided by the Parents.


3) Send a card NOW and one every few weeks for about 2 months. Because that will be the WORST TIME, when you feel everyone but you have forgotten about their death.





Thanks for being a friend and asking what to do, they are lucky to have you as one.
Reply:A sympathy card is always appropriate. If you knew the individual personally, you could include a nice note: Sorry for your loss. "Bob" had a wonderful sense of humor. I will miss that. (or something to that effect). I would mail the card.





If you live close to where the callings are held, I would suggest you go. You don't have to stay long, just long enough to offer your condolences and give a hug if necessary.





You could send flowers to the funeral home, or send a donation to the charity the family may have designated.





Sorry for your loss.
Reply:It depends a lot on your relationship with your friend.





I think that whatever you feel is appropriate will be appreciated by the family. If you feel that sending a card or flowers is appropriate, they will see your genuine concern for them and appreciate it. I don't think you should worry about offending them. Doing something to express your care for them is better than doing nothing.
Reply:Go to her. If you are close, she needs you there, even if you just sit with her. Ask her what you can do to help. My co-workers brought me a box with extra tissues, toilet paper, pop, paper plates, napkins, etc, and many friends brought food-it all helps. Anything you can do to help will be appreciated. But go to her. That is what she needs. If she needs help with people visiting, keeping track of who visits, sends flowers, etc, keeping the house clean from all the visitors-someone to make phone calls, etc.
Reply:If you are able to go to the service then do. Have flowers delivered to the place of the service before going.


During the service is not the time to hand flowers. You can bring a sympathy card with you if you like but it would be more appropriate to mail it since the service is not really the place to read the cards. It is too emotional a time to deal with the cards there.


The best thing you can do is call and offer any help that may be needed- ask if they need someone to watch the house and field phone calls while the arrangements are made- food brought fro out of town guests- if you have extra bedrooms at your place see if an out of town guests needs a room for the night- that sort of things means a lot and takes a lot off the greiving family.





Ask if they would prefer a charitable donation to a particular foundation instead of flowers. Some people try and keep the flowers to a minimum so that might be more of what they would rather do. There will be plenty of flowers from the family so it is a nice gesture to make a donation to the charity of their choice if they would prefer.





I am sorry about the loss. To lose a child is one of the greatest losses.
Reply:most funeral directors have their people accepting cards and flowers upon entering the church for service. make sure you offer your shoulder if they want to cry or talk. there is no real way to become experienced in it and know what to do because everyone is different. in a couple of weeks dont pretend everything is ok, ask them how they are coping, help with dishes, laundry whatever you can.
Reply:I am sorry for your lose.





You can send a sympathy card, but being at the service is all you really need to do. If you know where the service is being held you call the funeral director to see if the parents want flowers or if they would like you to donate to a private fund (maybe scholorship, depending on the age of the child). Many families feel that the flowers are a waste of money that is better spent elsewhere.


If you are close to the friend then you should call or go to the house to see if there is anything that you can do to help, like maybe make dinner and take it to them...Lasagna works because it can be frozen and cooked later.





Blessed be.
Reply:send the card to the house. you can send flowers to the funeral home or the church or whatever. i think it's more important to just be there with your friend during the service. your friend won't be able to keep track of anything you hand him. i'm sure your friend is beyond upset. support is what he/she needs.
Reply:send a sympathy card via mail,now.they will lose it or forget it if u hand-deliver it at the service.find out when and where the service will be held,and have the florist send the flowers there.the flowers will have a small card with ur name on,so they will know u sent them.if u attend the service,keep remarks simple.a hug and nothing said is sometimes more eloquent than any words.if u say something,a simple"im sorry for ur loss" is always correct,or a more personal"im so sorry this happened.any time u want to talk,call me." or"i hate that this happened.im there anytime u need me".these are all good things to say.sorry this happened,hope this advice helps a little.probably the most important thing is,a year or two from now,mention a happy memory of their son,or ask the family hoew theyre doing.most people are good after the funeral-right after it happened ,but get awkward in the years following,and act like it never happened.
Reply:I would send the card before the service, and just show up. I don't think it's appropriate to bring presents to a funeral... it's not a party.
Reply:I think since I lost my daughter, that when poeple came by my house, I was so happy to see them I could not have begun to tell you how much. It meant so much to me that even though they did not know what to say or how to say it, nor did I know what to tell them to say to me, but for them to just BE there with me was all that mattered. I did not care about a stupid plant or card, or food. I wanted my child and that was what everyone understood. I got a lot of hugs, kisses, and all my friends and family where just THERE, so you should just GO to the home, and BE there, HUG HUG HUG, and stop talking, thinking or anything else. Hope that helps you.
Reply:Was it Anna Nicole Smith's son? Are friends with Anna?

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